Michelle, “God only gives you what you can handle.”
I look at her puzzled.
“Yeah… I’ll tell that to all the people who committed suicide because God gave them what he thought they could handle.”, I scoffed.
Everything fell silent.
I breath in slow and deep, “Sometimes I feel like God doesn’t really care….”
Michelle glances her eyes hesitant.
I continued, “Because he just throws shit at you to see if you will survive it or not…. like I’ll just be one less person he’ll have to look after.”
I clinch my fist tightly.
” Weren’t we suppose to be his beautiful masterpiece… but then again we’ve only twisted ourselves into something ugly and not worth anything and so he must be disgusted with us by now.”
She reaches consolingly for me but pauses, a sad look apon her face.
I look up with sorrow, “If God and Lucifer were really in a game of Good versus Evil… Who do you think we are giving this world to?”
“It’s all about free choice.”, She grips her coffee with both hands. They wrapped around the cup like a blanket.
“People usually choose evil because it’s easier. It’s difficult to be good and do right. And it’s easy just to do whatever the hell you want.”
She takes a careful sip.
I sit there trying to remember the good and bad that I’ve done. Does my good out weight my sins? Are my sins small enough to be annulled by God? Is my soul to tainted with the blackness of my sins to be forgiven?
Swirling the spoon around I bite my bottom lip, “I mean…. most of the time I look around and just see and hear nothing but bad or evil deeds being done… and I honestly don’t believe that our souls are worth fighting for anymore.”
My thoughts form a picture of a little girl. She has grey eyes and sun kissed skin. Her smile is accompanied with dimples inbeded in her small round cheeks.
“But I look at Elly and I know she’s still worth saving. I mean that’s why we poured holy water over her right?… to help save her.”
A sigh escapes, “I don’t want to be the start of a bad path that corrupts her soul.
Michelles gaze is soft with the mention of her granddaughter.
“I’m worried about fucking that up the most you know.”, I stopped.
“It’s my job to help shape her veiws and values right now and I hope that when she is older she stays on a good path that I hopefully have helped set.”
A tear escapes falling to the table. The absence of sound making it echo as it hits.
“But what if it’s too late? Did our past generations ruin it for all of us? Did I help ruin us? We can only be forgiven so many times. Have we maxed out our forgivable sins?”
The room falls into a cold contemplating silence as we both looked down at our cups.
Ginger Snapz Back 